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Why do guys think its perfectly okay to hit you where it hurts? Especially when all you did was make a simple request.
Then, I read entries from older live journal entries of men (including you David) and boy do I remember. Good job men, being generic and all the same underneath it all. A real thumbs up.


I had a dream this morning. David and I were at a restaurant that looked more like a post office to me. Anyway, he proposed to me and I said yes, naturally. Mrs. Shirley was there and pointed out a large cockroach on a statue near our table. I was grossed out and I think we left. We were at  home and Janice's daughter, Christy, was there while I made a gift for Janice. She said something about how her last name was no longer Luna but Morris or something. What I found disturbing most about this dream is that although David proposed I found him sweet-talking some chick on facebook talking about how I was just a boring fat ass and he really only asked me to marry him for the sake of Blade. He told her that he didn't really want to be engaged to me since I was  such a pain to be seen with in public. He told that chick that he wanted to sleep with her because she was skinny and pretty and smarter. It was like he had kept making excuses to not propose to me until there were no more and had to do it. I hated him and myself for it.

I know  it was a dream but when its a dream about your  worst fears in a relationship, it shakes you up. I know I'm going to get yelled at about this at some point when David reads it but I can't help what I dream. I also can't help to feel so unwanted when I have those dreams. I guess its just that I want him to be open with me like I am with him but he thinks its some invasion of privacy. I had my privacy violated millions of times by my family but it made me want to give someone special to me all my secrets instead of holding them up inside. I don't know how to deal with these feelings sometimes and when I want to talk about them and get comforted about them. It turns into "me being stupid." I think thats why I had the dream because its my brains way of dealing with it without talking about it. Anyway, I love David with all my heart and soul. I hope when he reads this he won't get pissy with me for just talking myself through something...I love him so much. I can see my home in his eyes when he is being sweet and loving. He makes me laugh, and yes sometimes cry but thats how love is....It will always be a joyous and sometimes paining experience. It has to be a balance to things. Anyway, I'm tired and rambling....


Dec. 2nd, 2010

Its never coming, is it?


Alright, give me break Lord. This soul is getting weary. Carry me through.

Could I be facing real danger here?

I had to say the very words all women fear. "I found a lump." At 23, I found one. No word yet on what this means for me. If it does turn out to be what I don't want it to be, I will be okay. I won't let it interfere with David's schooling, or Blade's, or anything else. I won't live in fear. I can face mortality.


You aren't fooling anyone.
Ok, let me just make sure I remember this correctly. The planet Earth revolves around the sun of our galaxy, right? So if that is true THEN IT DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. My god, get over yourself. If I make a post on here about you, you will know. IT WILL SAY DAVID DID THIS OR DAVID STOP DOING THAT. When no name is mentioned it is someone who is most definitely not YOU.

Writer's Block: Boldly going

Which fictional world would you choose to visit, and why?

Star Wars Universe. So I could visit Tatooine and meet the Jawas.


I like that, I don't like that. I need this, I don't need this. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Just means you refuse to make up your mind so you can ALWAYS be right. Do you think I'm fucking stupid?  I was raised by someone who knew more than what is written in psychology books. Someone who could glance at someone and tell you what they truly were inside and out! I am not ignorant of what is really happening, I just stay quiet about it so you can go about in your own little world thinking you got this. Pfft.  Bloody Cretins. Why do people assume that my GED and working class family rule me out as someone who understands things beyond their own nose! Jesus. I's just needs some Jesus.